


Hanahaki - Truth

by FreakyPseudWriter



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, Don't copy to another site, Eavesdropping, F/M, First Kiss, Hanahaki Disease, Lots of tears, Love Confessions, Reader has Hanahaki Disease, Requited Love, Tears, Unrequited Love, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-31
Updated: 2020-05-31
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:01:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24470974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FreakyPseudWriter/pseuds/FreakyPseudWriter
Summary: For how long were you hacking up flowers like there was no tomorrow?You had no idea; you couldn’t count the days. There didn’t seem to exist a time before the tight feeling in your chest; no time before waking up every morning and sprinting to the toilet to retch the delicate petals of soft pink tulips into the basin and watch them being swept away. You only knew that you couldn’t find yourself regretting falling in love with him—no matter how painful it was.
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi/Original Character(s), Hatake Kakashi/Original Female Character(s), Hatake Kakashi/Reader, Hatake Kakashi/Shizune
Comments: 38
Kudos: 437





	Hanahaki - Truth

**Author's Note:**

> Back again with a "little" One-Shot. "Little" as in, 18 pages long and a measely one chapter, so that is "little" for me :/
> 
> For a while now, I played with the thought of writing some classics of fanfic tropes and Hanahaki always irked me in all the right ways to tackle it xD Just the perfect mixture of angst, feelings and real-life manifestations/consequences in the form of an emotionless life after the Hanahaki Disease is cured by medicine. Perfect. Give me all of it.
> 
> I hope you guys like my take on the trope and that you will like this fic as well :D To all of you, have a nice day and thanks for giving this work a try!
> 
> I have a questionnaire running atm for a 1000 Follower Tumblr Celebration and it's about which fic of mine will be reworked and printed out as a little booklet and I would be happy if some more people would throw in their opinion[ here ](https://forms.gle/t5cCfzhj9SjkA6HP9). Thank you for your time!

For how long were you hacking up flowers like there was no tomorrow?

You had no idea; you couldn’t count the days. There didn’t seem to exist a time before the tight feeling in your chest; no time before waking up every morning and sprinting to the toilet to retch the delicate petals of soft pink tulips into the basin and watch them being swept away. You only knew that you couldn’t find yourself regretting falling in love with _him_ —no matter how painful it was.

Kakashi. Kakashi, your childhood friend who got on your last nerves; the one to keep your back when things got rough; the one you could go to when you wanted to talk and he would listen; unfairly handsome and unknowingly pretty emotional if he wanted to show that side of himself. The pink blossoms were for him; could only be for him and no one else.

Yes, you now remembered when the coughing and breathlessness started. Kakashi had introduced his girlfriend to you—the soft-spoken and gentle Shizune; a nurse, passionate gardener, lover of the huge pack of rescue dogs he called his own, baker of the most delicious strawberry shortcake you ever tasted. If you weren’t so jealous of her being able to do what you desperately wanted to do—hug and kiss Kakashi freely—you would’ve asked her to marry you yourself.

Today, like no other day, would be the nail in your coffin. You decided that a long time ago in the same moment you heard about their engagement. (Heard about the engagement and faked appropriate excitement, fawned with an appropriate amount of happiness over the engagement ring, appropriately held back your tears until you were at home and could muffle your pitiful, body-wracking sobs in your pillow as you tried not to fall apart over the despair of losing _him_ to another human being.)

Today was the day of their wedding. This morning, you held back your own hair from spilling into the mess of toilet water, blood and tulip petals, only to look merely a few hours later with sorrow in your heart, dull pain in your lungs and a fake smile on your face down the pathway to the altar.

A small, intimate ceremony. Close family, friends, a few colleagues and of course, the big pack of adopted dogs Kakashi spoiled to no ends running around outside and barking at the cute, fluffy squirrels climbing and chattering up in the trees.

You sat in the first row, due to the lack of family members on Kakashi’s side. If only Sakumo occupied the bench, it surely would’ve been a depressing sight, especially in comparison to the full pew of Shizune’s family members.

Kakashi, the damn charmer, stood with his hands folded in front of the officiant. His best men Gai and Obito were by his side, whispering among each other and into Kakashi’s ear, who nodded from time to time. His eyes occasionally drifted over the rows and rows of people, before they settled on you. You gave him a quick thumbs-up, which he answered with a little nod and a smile.

Already, you could feel the flowers grow in your lungs, the leaves and petals scraping over the very insides of your lungs. Like you swallowed an entire string of grass, they tickled your ribs. In the quiet murmur of the waiting recipients, you sneaked in a cough and swallowed the single tulip petal right down before it could even get past your lips.

Sakumo tipped his head towards you, ever present nonchalant-grin on his face and so similar to his son that it nearly hurt to see him like that. “You have a nasty cold there. Already been a few months, hasn’t it?”

“Yeah. Guess I kind of dragged it with me and never had the time to properly cure it.”

“You should take some time off. Relax, kick your feet up. With my very own troublemaker out of town,” Sakumo nodded at the front, where Kakashi still stood, hands folded and too nervous to stand still, “you can finally catch a break, I take it?”

“Yeah, finally.” Through your little laugh, you swallowed another trickle of petals down before you could hack it up and out, right there into the path of the soon-coming-happily-beaming bride. “It will be nice to not sit over invitation samples or different cloths for tissues for once.”

Sakumo hummed under his breath. You knew that sound like you knew the sounds your own parents made; knew him for years and years on end. The older man was thinking about something, but you wouldn’t dare to interrupt him for your life. Long ago, you already realized that Sakumo may take a while to pick his words, but would never say something which he didn’t mean.

“It’s strange. I always thought…” Another hum, lower this time. You tilted your ear towards him, trying to catch his whispered words.

The doors in the back were pushed open. However, instead of a stunning, beaming Shizune in pure white appearing, her bridesmaid sneaked inside the small quaint church hall. Her high heels clicked on the stone ground as she gracefully made her way to the front and said a few hasty words to the officiant and Kakashi. Both nodded, before the bridesmaid made her way back down the path.

“Just a slight delay,” Kakashi directed his voice at the crowd, at ease and seemingly in control of the situation. “Nothing serious, I believe.”

His eyes fell on you again. Despite his calm tone, you saw the insecurity and nervousness growing inside them. Quickly, you gave him a real smile and a thumbs-up. A quick smile flashed over his face before Obito whispered once more into his ear.

Gods, life wasn’t fair. This entire ordeal wasn’t fair. Pain pulsed through your lungs as you imagined to feel the roots of the dangerous flower grow deeper, anchor themselves more and more in your very flesh. There had been pain in your life, and now there was _pain_. No pain you had ever felt could compare to this one—like your soul was torn into two, ripped apart into tiny pieces, burned down to ash and strewn into all four directions.

Thankfully, you wouldn’t have to suffer from these flashes of pain any longer. Today just needed to come and go, like all days came and went before, and would come and go after that. Then, _finally_ , the surgery to be done with it all would maybe help to ease this suffering.

Were you pathetic? Probably. Were you over the top dramatic in scheduling the surgery to remove the flower in your lungs one day after the marriage of your best friend and hidden crush for years? More than likely. Would you like it any other way? No, because these dramatics helped you to keep sane while the marriage preparations had swallowed up all of your energy and nerves.

“I always thought you two would end up getting married.”

The world stopped. The dead murmur of the people in the background, the officiant quietly talking with Kakashi, your own heartbeat—all of that faded into the background, buried right under the avalanche of feelings Sakumo’s words set off inside your mind.

It wasn’t fair. Life wasn’t fair. Sakumo’s words, spoken now right before his son’s marriage to someone else, weren’t fair.

For just a second, your perfectly cultivated mask slipped. The true horror of the situation dawned upon you, together with the all-too-forgettable fact that you couldn’t just pretend this marriage never happened. Kakashi and Shizune, Shizune and Kakashi. In the foreseeable future, they would be a package-deal, no way around it. Lunch dates, late evenings on the weekend, playing board games because none of you wanted to give up—Shizune would be there.

Life was changing around you as you breathed around the pink tulip petals.

You couldn’t swallow the blossoms for a third time, couldn’t avoid the little cough scratching in your throat growing louder and louder. People started to whisper, look in your direction and point at you. Out of the corners of your eyes, you even believed to see Kakashi taking a little step forward before stopping, but then, you covered your mouth, face red as you tried not to lose any of the blossoms filling your mouth faster than ever before ( _fuckfuckfuckfuckFUCKFUCKFUCK-!_ ), you ducked your way out of the church.

The door behind you didn’t even have the chance to close before you had to bend over and wretch out the entire heads of no less than three tulips, all shimmering in the sheen of your saliva and the soft pink dotted with the very first specks of your blood.

For a moment, you merely looked at them. With tears blurring your vision, lungs and throat aching— _burning_ —you stared at these flowers. The bane of your existence, the fucking _reason_ why you had to leave Kakashi behind on his most important day in his adult life.

Your feelings for him, manifested in a disease no one could explain. No scientist, no researcher, no biologist, psychiatrist, psychologist, doctor, nurse or _anyone_ was able to explain the very fucking reason why some people would start to cough up flowers. Only two cures were known to mankind: either confess your feelings or let some experts cut you open and tear the flower out until nothing was left of it.

Together with the feelings.

You closed your eyes, breathed in for a moment, before pulling yourself together. Piece by piece, inhale for inhale, you worked around the still-tight ring around your chest, the scratching in your lungs, the burn of your throat. Here you were, in the small bureau of the officiant, with the physical proof of your emotions right in your hands, and the only thing you could actually do without ruining the day was throwing them away like they were worth nothing and covering them up.

Because in comparison to the devotion between Kakashi and Shizune, your one-sided love was truly worthless. Or maybe not worthless, but merely worth less.

_At least these little plays with words make the suffering a tiny bit sweeter. Not easier, but sweeter, not as bitter as some would like it._

You would’ve laughed at your own antics if not for your dire situation; would still be able to crack a little joke in the middle of the wedding ceremony of your best friend/crush. There was worse out there, wasn’t it? Others had it way worse.

Still, your pain was valid. You shouldn’t make your suffering smaller than it was, nor were you about to make it bigger than it actually was. The situation was just what it was; incredibly painful for you. Nothing more, nothing less.

In your back, the door creaked open. As you turned around, on your face already a smile forming, you expected Sakumo standing in the doorframe, maybe Obito or Rin, but certainly never, in a million years you expected to see Kakashi himself standing there, peeking inside the room and worry clearly etched in his face.

Quickly, you hid the bloody petals behind your back, but had the distinct dark feeling he nevertheless saw them. His eyebrows knitted itself together, a darker shadow falling over his already dark eyes.

Not good. He almost put it together. Attack was the best defense, right?

“What are you doing here?”

“Checking on you. Your coughing chased away the pigeons on the roof three streets over.”

Nervously, you laughed. “Ah, yeah. Nasty flu finally makes its way to full bloom.”

“Are you okay?”

“Yes, of course.”

“Sure?”

His worried tone nearly made you groan. Still hiding the petals in your clenched fist and behind your back, you waved with your other, unsoiled one at him. “It’s nothing. Really! Get back to the ceremony, you idiot! Shizune is waiting for you!”

Kakashi’s sigh pulled at your heartstrings. “Yeah… I guess.”

Wait. That was… Definitely strange. Usually, Kakashi would’ve cracked a joke or something about getting cold feet himself, put on a brave, careless grin and would’ve ruffled through his for once barely tamed hair. Now, his eyebrows were knitted tightly together, the nervousness and worry clear on his face like dark clouds on a sunny day. Hell, even his mouth turned from a little grin into a frown.

But before you could say anything, before you could reassure and calm down your oldest friend on his wedding day, two things happened at once.

First, a deep, unsettling cough rattled through your body. Wrecked your entire frame, shook you to the very core until you couldn’t breathe anymore and tears stood in your eyes. Quickly, you latched your hands in front of your mouth, knowing there were more petals and blossoms coming out, no matter how much you prayed to whatever deity was listening they would stay down.

Second, through the door, you heard some faint noises: a little commotion. Voices were growing louder, together with the telltale clicking and clacking of more high heels.

You doubled over, heaving and feeling how the petals leapt up your throat with merciless cruelty. They tickled and scratched in your throat, your tongue and the roof of your mouth. The metallic taste of blood coated your tongue, making everything—making the entire situation much, much _worse_. Kakashi’s hand was almost instantly on your back, softly stroking and trying to soothe the cough without any result.

Only one thing could bring you salvation from this. And you would never get it from him.

When your cough settled down the tiniest bit, you were able to make out some more words, both from Kakashi and from the outside. Kakashi’s were more prominent, so close by your side you relaxed for the first time in _weeks_ while you could feel his hand rubbing up and down your back, basking in the touch and warmth. “… not only a cough, isn’t it? Come on (Y/N), this sounded terrible and like you tried to hack up your lungs. Sssh, yes, just like that. Get it out. Just get it all out.”

Your fingers trembled as you slowly dropped them, the bloody petals terribly obvious in the middle of your palm. Kakashi stopped and stilled every movement when his eyes fell on your hand. You didn’t dare look up and look at him. Didn’t dare see the sudden realization on his face and the dawning panic, couldn’t bear to hear the surely coming questions of _how, why, since when_ and foremost _who, who, who_.

Before you had to give an explanation though, the door to the officiant’s bureau was pushed open. Obito barreled in, not commenting on the situation or the clearly visible petals in your hand. No, something must’ve deeply upset him to drop any jokes or comments. There was a weird light in his eyes; one you hadn’t ever seen on him before.

“The wedding…” Obito shook his head, and only now you realized his strange expression was _anguish_ and thinly veiled _sympathy_. “The wedding is off. Shizune ran away.”

~ X ~

Needless to say, you didn’t see much of Kakashi in the following hours. In the overall chaos, you even lost sight of him as lots of people wanted to voice their sympathies. Additionally, your chest felt too tight, like a snake trying to break your ribs. The roots inside your lungs felt like they were digging deeper and deeper into your flesh and at some point, you sneaked away from the messy, called-off wedding without another word.

It had another positive side-effect: You didn’t have to explain to Kakashi anything about your sickness.

When you fled the wedding, maybe an hour after Shizune ran away, your heart was being torn into pieces. This would be the last time you would see Kakashi and have _any_ kind of feelings for him. The last time to feel that sweet, sweet tingle, the rush of endorphins and the little jump of your stomach whenever your hands would accidentally brush together. At the same time, it would be kind of nice to be _finally_ free of these feelings. To not be aware of his every movement, to not question every little word Kakashi would say and to not lay awake at night, rolling around and making up the most indecent fantasies about him.

Though, it would suck for Kakashi to kind of lose his best friend. In a sense.

_I will not be the same. My feelings will be gone. Any liveliness, happiness, sorrow and anger. Nothing. Just… flat boredom._

_Still better than death._

It was dark by the time you got back to your flat. Hours of driving and wandering aimlessly around; hours of trying to come to terms that this would be the last night with these damned feelings; hours of your thoughts straying back and forth the slight blind hope that Kakashi might finally see you and the crushing reality that his runaway bride and failed relationship would take up most of his mind right now, that he needed you as a friend, that confessing would be selfish and fucking _dangerous_ for you with the very likely possibility that he didn’t answer your feelings.

You liked to keep living, thank you very much.

Life definitely wasn’t fair. At all.

All of these dark thoughts spooked your mind as you entered your flat. The night had already fallen over the city. The light of the streetlamps outside the window illuminated the tiniest bit of your actions of heeling off your shoes, taking off your jacket and dropping your bag with a hollow rustle of purse, cellphone, keys and other clutter on the floor. Your stomach was empty, your tongue stuck to the roof of your mouth and your eyes were already tingling from the tears you held back for the whole day.

For a moment, you stopped right there in your entry area, only to sigh and roll your shoulders. Your bones popped way too loudly in the silence, nearly thundered in the air as you slinked your way into your living room, still enveloped by the night and darkness. The darkness felt good, like a cooling blanket on your skin, soothed your strangely-enough-hurting heart, so you didn’t switch on any lights as you stumbled through your flat, relying on mere muscle memory to not fall over any wayward object or bump your toes on the mobiliary.

Another weary sigh fell from your lips as you entered the living room, and another already wanted to fall as your dropped yourself onto your couch, fully intending to lay there with your eyes wide open, staring at the dark ceiling until sleep would claim you and make you forget for a short while how cruel life was.

Though, you didn’t even get to that part.

As you plopped down into the cushions, there was something in the way. _Someone_ , as you didn’t have any pets. A warm body, moving instantly when your behind made contact with the stomach? The back? A body curling up around you, arms brushing over your sides, fingers digging into your upper arms.

You were in the first throes of screaming your failing lungs out when a calming _familiar_ voice echoed in the room. “Maa, it’s fine! It’s me!”

A curdled, mangled shriek fell from your mouth before you recognized the voice and your brain actually registered that, _yes, you knew that voice, the man on your couch._

“What…? _Kakashi_?”

“Yeah.” The grip on your arms vanished, only to appear again in the form of hands placed more comfortably in the crook of your waist. “It’s just good old me.”

“What the fuck are you doing here?”

“Waiting for you.”

“I mean, what are you doing here _in the dark,_ on my couch?”

His grip tightened, his voice less calm and a lot more tense. “Still waiting for you to come back. You just left.”

“Sorry.” Only slowly, your quickly beating heart came down from its adrenaline-induced high. “It was so busy after…”

“After she left. Left me at the altar.”

There was no faked cheerfulness in Kakashi’s tone. No sadness or regret, no anger or frustration at being forsaken by his future wife. Just a plain statement, pure and simple. Like it didn’t even concern him in the slightest.

Only the smallest of hints of his face were visible. Nevertheless you reached out and cupped his face. It took a little bit of fumbling and weird shuffling, but eventually, you managed to get as close as a mere friend could get.

“I’m sorry,” you mumbled and yet your voice thundered through the room, “Sorry for what happened. Sorry for leaving when you needed someone to stay by your side.”

“Oh, me being an insufferable idiot is the least of my worries at the moment.”

_Fuck. Well, here it comes…_

“Why do I have to find out on the day of my wedding that you have Hanahaki? Not even directly from you, but by accident?”

There, straight out of his mouth. For a moment, you considered fleeing the scene, to run into your bathroom and lock yourself inside, just to stay away from him and his thirst for knowing what was going on in your life, but there were Kakashi’s hands on your hips, his fingers digging in a silent warning into your skin, telling you he would take it as a personal insult if you would get up and try to escape. Your touch on his cheek lessened, only for your hand drop back into your lap.

You were proud that only a hint of hoarseness showed in your voice as you answered, words carefully chosen and mentally measured on a golden scale. “Aah… That… Well, there was never a good time for it. You were in the middle of the wedding preparations when it really started to act up and I didn’t want to bother—!”

“The fuck you’re talking about?”

“Huh?”

“I said,” Kakashi moved beneath you, pulled you closer and at the same time, seemed to distance himself, “what the fuck are you talking about? Aren’t we best friends?”

“Yeah, sure, but—!”

“Since when? Decades, I bet.”

“Since childhood, at least.”

“You could never bother me when you’re fighting for your life here!”

“You may have a point there…”

“Then why don’t you trust me in that regard?”

_Because you’re the very cause of my sickness, don’t you understand?_

Of course, you couldn’t say that. Not now, not hours after his failed wedding. How could you possibly say that at any time? _Yo, listen, my friend and homie. I love you and that love makes me cough up flowers which are growing in my lungs, causing me to slowly suffocate. But don’t ya worry, I will just get a surgery which makes me lose all of my feelings, because I know for certain you don’t love me back! Next time I’m spitting fucking bloody flowers into my lap, I will immediately run to you, I swear!_

No way you would ever say that.

“Hey.” His hand slipped ever so slightly underneath your blouse, his fingertips gliding over the small of your back in a weak reassurance that everything would be alright. The small gesture nearly made you cry. The tears were already waiting to be released, burning right in your eyes as you felt how Kakashi nuzzled his nose into your shoulder. “Hey. (Y/N). You’re my best friend. The one who waited in front of my house to go to school together. The one who was always there to cheer me up. The one who visited me when I got sick, only to get sick yourself right afterwards. You did so much for me, sacrificed so many things just to be my friend. For once, let me be the one to take care of you. Just… just this _once._ ”

You wished you didn’t, but at the very moment, in the darkness and with Kakashi’s sweet, unreasonable promise in your ear, you couldn’t help yourself. One more shaky breath in, and the first tears slid down your face. Their path on your skin burned. Sheer, raw acid, crawling further and further down, only to get soaked up by the neckline of your fancy clothes.

Kakashi described your friendship like you were the one putting in all the work, but that was simply not true. Back when you two were children, he would always come over to play with you, sometimes even sneaking over to have a sleepover. He would accompany you everywhere to make sure you were alright, no matter if you were going to the next best grocery store to run an errand from your mother or making a trip together with your other friends. Hell, he helped you move out of your parent’s home and more than earned the second key to your apartment back then! Your friendship was by no means a one-way street and that stubborn donkey still didn’t get that that was worth an outrage.

Not now, though. The promise of being held and comforted was too tempting.

Another moment in which you attempted to keep the flood at bay, but when Kakashi softly pulled you into his chest, humming in the back of his throat and placed his hand as a final push onto the back of your head to allow you to bury your face in his chest, you couldn’t keep it in any longer. Sob after sob crawled out of your mouth. Months of keeping all these feelings bottled up inside broke free. The disappointment of not being the one by his side, the need to squash your blossoming crush down until you would choke on it, the fear of being discovered and ruining everything between him and you came flooding down.

Pathetic. Even in his own, already miserable state, Kakashi took the time to try and comfort you. You were simply and utterly pathetic.

Yet, the embrace was just too nice to resist. Everything you ever wanted. A fond memory to remember after that surgery tomorrow. Just one time, you could indulge in your own selfish desires. _One last time_ , you told yourself as more sobs and tears emerged from deep within yourself, _just this one last time, then I can live a life without emotion._

Kakashi allowed you to cry for as long as you wanted. Silent and calm, his hand never stopped stroking over your back, in slow, rhythmic movements. No matter what you tried to stop the waterworks, no matter how many times you thought you nearly reigned yourself in, one more touch was all what was necessary to send you right back into your sobbing frenzy.

You cried for your feelings. You cried for Kakashi. You cried for what would’ve been if fate wasn’t a bitch, for your friendship and for today overall.

Sometime later—you had no idea how long you cried into Kakashi’s shirt—you finally managed to calm down. Still sniffling and rubbing your swollen eyes, you emerged from the warm embrace, nodding ever so slowly.

“Thank you,” even your voice seemed broken, croaking and hoarse and as flat as wide plains, “thank you, Kakashi.”

“No problem.” His arms were still laying around your waist, still enticingly trapping you in the sweetly bitter embrace. A long exhale brushed over the side of your face, before his nose followed the same path. Nosing gently his way up to your cheekbone, before his lips placed a meek kiss there. Nothing more than that, but these small gestures always made you weak and jittery. Kakashi wouldn’t know that you craved for these little touches and at the same time hated them with a passion. They gave you hope you didn’t want; the same desperate hope which probably made the deadly disease grow deep inside your lungs.

Your heart jumped into your throat at the motion (like always). You wanted to say something, _anything_ , but then, the coughing started. Hacking and gagging around the petals and full blossoms forcing their way out of your throat, right into your open palm. Every breath hurt like fire burning through your veins, leaving nothing like ash and barren wasteland behind.

Kakashi merely watched you like a hawk, hand patting your back and his other hand curled around your own hand in your lap, clutching the bloody petals like a lifeline.

“Since when?” he asked when your cough finally subsided. “Since when is this going on?”

A small defiant part of you wanted to say: _Since I fell in love with you._ Ruthlessly, you squashed that urge down.

“Since…” Another, weaker cough, another pink petal fell into your palm. “Since forever, it seems.”

“How bad is it?”

“Pretty bad. Really fucking bad.”

His sigh was laced with frustration and worry. “Again, why didn’t you tell me? I could’ve helped you.”

At that, a bitter laugh rose in your chest. “Kakashi, don’t be fucking ridiculous. You can’t help me, not this time.”

“I could’ve, if you just—!”

“What was I supposed to do? Barge into your wedding preparations with the announcement that I’m going to die soon because of the flowers growing in my lungs? Telling you as you were on cloud nine that I’m miserably in love and can’t tell that person because…” You trailed off. Way too close to the truth. You cleared your throat, only to continue, much weaker and with more control over your words. “Because it would destroy me literally if that person wouldn’t recuperate my feelings.”

“Who is it?”

“Nobody. It’s… it’s not important.”

“(Y/N).” His hands dug deeper into your skin. Still gentle, however still a silent warning. “Quit bullshitting me. Of course, it’s important.”

Your face lit up and silently, you thanked the darkness for covering every motion up. “You don’t know him,” you mumbled.

Gods, you were walking a thin line here. If Kakashi hated anything, then it would be lies and liars. Always had. Even as a young boy, he had the uncanny talent to sniff out any half-truths, deceits and lies from anyone around him, no matter how small and insignificant they might seem.

However, your answer seemed to satisfy him for now. Kakashi huffed, before leaning back into the cushions. The couch groaned under the pressure; the only sound in the tense silence. With a last dry sniffle, you wiped the back of your hand over your slightly running nose.

“Again,” you breathed in, steeling yourself, “I didn’t want to tell you anything ‘cause you were happy. Plus, the preparations were stressful and I didn’t want to be another burden on your shoulders.”

Immediately, Kakashi sat up straight. “You’re never—!”

“Oh yes, Kakashi. You would’ve made it your burden, no matter what I would’ve told you. You were always like this, don’t deny it.”

The following silence was answer enough.

“See?” Your dry giggle shook your entire body with its inherent despair. “You can’t deny it, even now. I really just had the best in mind for you.”

“Bullshit.” His harsh tone made you flinch. “You might’ve convinced yourself it was for my sake that you kept silent, but you’ve been miserable the entire time. You can’t deny _that_ at all. How is this for my sake when my own best friend is hiding things from me?”

The asshole was using your own words against you. Unfortunately, he was also right, but telling him the true reason why you didn’t say anything to him and him specifically was also totally out of the question.

He took your silence as passive acknowledgement.

Another heavy sigh before Kakashi retracted his hands fully. The contact had been too long, so long in fact you could still feel an afterimage of his calloused fingers tingling on your skin. An unsettling feeling which made you crave and yearn for his continued touch even more.

“Fine. Let’s just… go to bed for now. It was a long, disappointing day.”

“Won’t you…?” You started the question which should’ve been the first one to ask, but Kakashi merely shook his head. In the dim streetlight falling into the room, you merely could make out the shape of his face and chin moving side to side.

“Not now,” he said, sighed and shook his head once more. “Tomorrow, maybe.”

For a mere second, you considered pushing further, but then Kakashi yawned and you dropped the subject. He was right. It was a long, disappointing, scary day and pushing Kakashi over the edge to get some answers wouldn’t get you anywhere. Like that, you reached a hand out to him, allowed him to pull you to your feet and let yourself be guided to your bedroom.

His hand in yours was a safe warm pressure as Kakashi led you towards your wide bed. With a little tap of his index finger, he turned on the bedside lamp. The soft golden light illuminated the shadows and finally made way for you to see how ragged and exhausted he actually looked. Like a child, you allowed him to sit you down on the mattress, weakly coughing and unstable on your feet.

“Everything alright?” Instantly, his hand slid up to your shoulder, holding onto you and holding you upright. Maybe Kakashi held himself up by the soft grip into your shoulder. Who knew?

“Yeah.” You nodded weakly. “Just a regular cough.”

“Need anything? Water? Honey? Hot milk or tea?”

“Just… water. Water would be nice.”

Again without another question, he left the room. Through the open door, you could hear the running of the tap as you carefully slipped out of your clothes, piece by piece by piece. You were just in the process of slipping your sleeping shirt over your head when Kakashi entered, a glass of water filled nearly to the brim in his hands.

There you sat, in your underwear and a flimsy shirt thrown over your upper body, accepting the glass with a little nod and a smile. The cool water indeed helped a bit, but when you looked up, Kakashi seemed to be distracted by something. His eyes were intently fixed on the neatly arranged and folded blankets right by your side, staring holes into the air with the intensity of his stare.

“Kakashi?” You cocked your head, confused and taking another little sip. “Is something the matter?”

He shook his head, way too quickly to really appear to be alright. “No. Every… Everything is good. Don’t mind me.”

“Sure?”

“Yeah.” Finally, his eyes met yours. He smiled at you, but the smile seemed forced and tense. Before you could say anything though, he picked the glass out of your hands and settled it onto the bedside table. “Time to sleep. Come on, I will tuck you in.”

“Ah god, Kakashi!” You could already feel yourself going red from the mere image of him spreading ever so gently a blanket over you before turning off the lights and slipping out of the room. “I’m not a small child!”

“Strange. You’re acting like one.”

The softest reprimand you would probably hear from him today. Still grumbling, you slipped underneath the covers, grabbing the edges of your blanket with the very tips of your fingers, all the while glaring at Kakashi. Daring him to treat you like a child.

He noticed your glare; a quick chuckle flew through the air. “Alright, alright. Good night, (Y/N). We will talk more tomorrow.”

“You’re staying?” you asked, only to slink further beneath the blanket. Gods, your voice picked one or two octaves too high to appear nonchalant and calm. Quickly, you cleared your throat, the very wisps of the flowers tingling in your lungs. “You’re staying the night?”

His look softened even more, basically butter in the middle of a hot summer day. His fingertips drifted over your forehead, wiped away one, two locks of your hair, only for him to retreat suddenly and step away. “Of course. Camping on the sofa.”

“Sure?”

“Yes.”

“You know what happens to your back when you sleep there.”

“One or two more pains in my neck won’t really matter at this point.”

His tone was flat, neutral. However, you could see right underneath the underneath, see through the façade of the emotionless, stubborn, sarcastically dejecting man. Despite all he told you, despite his masks, despite the discovery of your sickness which gnawed at his guilty consciousness, he was hurting. Today should’ve been one of the happiest days of his life, getting married to Shizune who made him so happy over the last years. In the evening though, he was neither married nor happy; just a lonely man with a dying friend by his side.

Despite all of his asseverations, Kakashi didn’t want to be alone right now.

“Sleep here,” you said, your brain still thinking and your mouth already acting, “sleep with me, in my bed. Hell, it’s big enough.”

His eyebrows rose for a mere second. “Are you sure?”

You nodded. “Totally. Please. Stay with me.”

Another indulgence in your secret wishes and fantasies, as well as a helping hand to Kakashi. A win-win-situation. That’s at least what you told yourself to calm your rapidly beating heart as you turned onto your side, to give Kakashi some privacy to undress. His clothes made almost no sound as they dropped. Only because you strained your ears to listen to every little movement, you managed to pick up some sounds: the metallic clanking of the belt buckle, the ruffling of his crisp white shirt as he slipped out of it, a little groan and a huff when stepping out of his dress pants. Your mind went haywire; too charged with hormones, damned hope and your fantasy filling in the gaps of how Kakashi would look just in his underwear.

Or even less.

_Forget about Hanahaki, that would kill me right on the spot._

Only when the mattress dipped lower, indicating Kakashi indeed joined you in bed, together with the continued motions from behind your back, you woke up from the sweet daydream. Another low huff, a tug at his blanket, more rolling and shuffling.

“Can you get the lights?” finally came the question you anticipated.

“Sure.” When the lamp on the bedside table turned off, the darkness wasn’t your friend anymore. Before, the shadows hid your emotions from discovery, but now the darkness only fueled your brain; fed it with dangerously tempting pictures. The darkness could mask some of your darker intentions. Cuddling into him, acting like you were asleep and trying to get closer to him. He certainly wouldn’t deny you if he thought you were sleeping.

“We haven’t slept in one bed since…?”

“A long time,” you answered automatically, “at least not since we were teenagers.”

He hummed, shuffled around some more. A foot bumped into your leg, only to retreat just as fast. “A long time indeed.”

“Mhmm.” Your cheeks were growing red. Maybe it was the flowers growing in your lungs, but you thought it was more likely the proximity of Kakashi causing you to gasp, heave and cough once more. You curled up, lungs hacking up more petals than ever before, knees drawn to your chest and hands palming your mouth desperately.

Then, a hand stroking up and down your back, patting your shoulders and trying to soothe the dull pain deep in your chest with everything they had to give. It took you several minutes to calm down enough to fall silent with a last rough cough and croak, only to drop the handful of bloody petals and blossoms in the bin right beside the bed. The new petals fell onto the older, long rotten ones at the very bottom of the bin.

“Take a sip of water,” Kakashi said, “it should help.”

“Nothing helps.” Nevertheless, you followed his advice and swallowed a mouthful of water together with the bitter aftertaste of blood and your own saliva. “Nothing helps but that one fateful thing I won’t do. Like, ever.”

“Why, though?”

“He doesn’t love me.” You broke your own heart by saying it out loud, but still, you pushed forward. “He loves someone else. I have no chance.”

“Aah.”

No further word was spoken as you settled back into the cushions and rearranged the blanket around you. It wasn’t necessary to be consoled by more words, more useless questions and answers which wouldn’t enhance the conversation in the slightest. Kakashi understood and you understood as well.

“Good night, Kakashi.”

“Good night, (Y/N). Sweet dreams.”

_These I will surely have. One last time._

~ X ~

Waking up to the sound of Kakashi humming lowly to himself was far more familiar than one would believe. It was a great way to start the day, to be softly woken up by the deep vibrations in your back and the low tunes. As you emerged from the depths of sleep, you could feel how _close_ he actually was; his breath fanned over the back of your neck while his fingers drew little shapes onto your exposed shoulder.

To start your day with butterflies rummaging through your stomach was definitely a good thing. Felt nice, at least.

For a few more tender moments, you could imagine a world in which Kakashi belonged to you. Where every morning was like this, soft and filled with little gestures and touches showing love and care. But then, a phone started buzzing, muffled by layers and layers of clothing. It was hard to act like you were still asleep when Kakashi cursed under his breath and scrambled out of the blankets, continuing to colorfully curse while his hands ruffled through the clothing.

Finally, he seemed to have found it. You strained your ears to listen for the faint voice on the other end of the call, but remained still and with your eyes closed while listening to Kakashi tip-toeing out of the room. Thankfully, he kept the door slightly ajar as you confirmed with a quick peek through your eyelashes.

“I’m fine,” was the first thing you heard clearly, “really, I am.”

Silence, only disturbed by an even fainter mechanical voice.

“No, haven’t heard from her. No messages, no calls, nothing.” Kakashi groaned; his frustration audible in every syllable. A little pause. “No, I had no idea she was nervous. There were no signs… Wait, what?”

More silence followed as Kakashi and you waited with bated breath for the caller to finish.

“That makes no—! No, what did she say?”

Your heart beated at the speed of a hundred miles per minute. Clutching the pillow to your face, you squeezed your eyes shut. You didn’t possibly want to hear this, but like you already noticed, life was a bitch. You were forced to listen to Kakashi, while your stomach knotted itself into a big, painful ball of antagonizing ache.

“She said that? Like this?” His naked feet slapped lightly onto the wooden ground as he walked deeper into your living room, making eavesdropping harder for you. On light feet and ignoring a faint scratching of leaves and petals in your throat, you climbed out of the bed. No matter how hard it would destroy you, after this afternoon, you wouldn’t care. Who knew, maybe the promised pain on the horizon and brought by the revelations the phone call would certainly bring would make going to the surgery and actually going through the procedure much easier.

At least, you hoped that.

( _It certainly would be for the better._ )

The rumbling of the water cooker set you off. The kitchen it was, then. As silently as possible, you followed Kakashi’s footsteps as he was again talking in a hushed and rushed tone. “…she didn’t know that. I really thought… I hid that for years, okay? Shizune was the first one to call me out on it. She was the first one to even _notice_ how caught up I was—! Yeah, I tried to forget but… I think she knew the entire time. That one snap of _her_ fingers would be enough to break off the engagement on the spot.”

Another pause, in which you could feel your heart falling apart. Shattering and breaking; tiny little pieces of the quickly beating organ spreading inside your chest. There was _another_ person? Another person beside Shizune who Kakashi loved? Loved that person even more than Shizune; that much that he would’ve left her for the unknown enigma?

The first tears stood already in your eyes as you stopped right beside the doorframe of the kitchen. Even though you heard enough, the rest of the call wouldn’t hurt either. Couldn’t hurt you any more than that. A last nail in your coffin before there would be no coffin to begin with, cut and scraped out with scalpels and knives.

Again, Kakashi left the door slightly open, just enough for you to watch him standing in front of the window. His one arm was raised to press his phone to his ear, the other crossed in front of his chest, shoulders tense and looking outside while listening further.

Suddenly, he jerked his head to the side, almost snarling into the speakers. “Of course, I know I’m an asshole! I absolutely am! Shizune didn’t deserve this, but I can’t help it! I can’t help how I feel about… Listen, I am with (Y/N) right now and… Yeah, I slept here. _Yeah_ , I went straight to her! Just another… Now, listen here, Obito,” his tone grew even more tense, “I would never do that. Besides, she doesn’t need that right now. She has… _fuck_ …”

His free hand flew up to ruffle in sharp, angry motions through his hair. “(Y/N) has Hanahaki, okay? She doesn’t need to hear anything from me as it’s impossible—! Pink petals or some other stuff, I don’t know. They don’t give a single hint, Dumb-ito, that’s a fucking myth!”

_Thank gods the petals don’t hint at the target of my feelings._

You heard enough. Enough to tear yourself away from the kitchen door, away from the call still going on, away from Kakashi who had _another_ person in his heart you couldn’t compete with. When would you ever learn? When would you learn that there was no hope for you? There was no fairy tale ending with Kakashi. He saw you as a _friend_ and nothing else. You just had to learn to accept that for the last hours you would still _care_ about that fact.

Even though you were already retreating, your heart shattered and lungs aching from suppressing your coughs for so long, you couldn’t help but to hear further how Kakashi whispered in a hushed, angry tone to Obito. “Anyway, I need to be there for her no matter how I feel. It doesn’t matter how I am feeling as long as she gets through this somehow. She needs to _live_. I don’t know what I would do if… No, no. She will make it.” A deep sigh just when you reached the door to your bathroom. “Talk to you later. Thanks for calling.”

The moment you closed the bathroom door behind you, you heard Kakashi exiting the kitchen. You weren’t sure if he saw you, but didn’t want to take the risk of facing him right now. No, you needed a few moments at least to compose yourself. Tears were already standing in your eyes as you tried to stifle the sobs living in your chest, one hand pressed to your mouth and the other clutching the fabric of your sleeping shirt, exactly where your heart was still beating despite feeling like it was broken.

It shouldn’t be beating anymore. It felt like it shouldn’t. All the little pieces strewn into all four directions, jagged shards digging into your flesh, making breathing even harder than before. Breathing around the flowers, the roots, the _damned_ leaves tickling the upper end of your throat. These _fucking damned_ flowers.

Teeth dug into your hand as the first tears fell. The sting helped to keep silent, to keep the sobs to a minimum instead of full on bawling. Still biting your own hand, you slowly slid down, back pressed to the door and knees giving away like you were a mere puppet; unloved with broken strings.

Life was unfair. Life was so fucking unfair.

A gentle knock in your back startled you. Three knocks, two fast ones and a slower, heavier one. Kakashi’s knocking.

“(Y/N)?” His voice was concerned; concerned enough to actually be audible. “Everything alright in there?”

Your clamped jaw only opened after a few weak tries, but when it did, your voice instantly betrayed you. Weak and still sobbing, you answered while staring down on the angry red image of your teeth engraved into your skin. “Yeah… Yeah, everything… Everything’s just _fucking_ great.”

The door handle rattled. “(Y/N)? Are you crying?”

“Just… the tiniest bit.”

“Why?”

“No particular reason.” Your crying grimace turned into a bitter smile, just as wet as your previous expression. “Give me a few minutes, I’m right out.”

Carefully, the handle was pushed once more before you could hear Kakashi sigh behind the closed door. “Alright… If you’re feeling alright, please come out. _Please._ ”

“Yeah.” Another sob muffled in your hand. “I will… yeah.”

He didn’t push the issue further. Thankfully. You wouldn’t have known what you would’ve done otherwise. Maybe cry more, maybe scream and shout. Who knew?

More tears fell as you continued to cry for what could’ve been, in another universe, another _dimension_ where dreams could indeed come true. Still crying into your own hand, your face swelling more and more, no inner peace in sight any time soon.

_The surgery can’t come fast enough._

Despite what you said, you needed more than “a few minutes” to calm down enough to face Kakashi properly. And still, your nose was running and the skin around your eyes irritated and red when you sheepishly stumbled back into the living room. Your friend was already waiting for you. His long legs were stretched out as he lounged on your couch, his head falling backwards and exposing his neck to your vision. Though when you entered the room, Kakashi immediately sat up, his face twisted with worry and concern.

“Everything alright now?” he asked as you dropped into the cushions right beside him.

You nodded. There was no way your voice wouldn’t betray you again.

“Bullshit,” Kakashi’s voice was as sharp as a freshly sharpened knife, “you’re not alright. Will you please tell me what’s going on? I can’t bear to watch you like this, broken and beaten down. Who is it that you got Hanahaki over?”

“No one you know.”

“Fine,” the punctuated and _hurt_ tone of his voice was like a merciless knife to your heart, “but why is it impossible that he won’t respond to your feelings? Maybe he is in love with you.”

At that, you couldn’t help but to laugh. “That’s not possible.”

“Why not? Why can’t it be?”

“I already told you, he loves someone else! Fuck, he tried to marry them!”

You knew you slipped up when Kakashi fell suspiciously silent. Your heart jumped into your throat (or was it another flower head?), only to follow your first gut instinct of throwing in the towel. “You know what? Forget about it.” You jumped up, panic making you tremble and knees weak, but Kakashi was faster.

His hand closed around your wrist before you even had the chance to take a single step. Like iron, his fingers clamped down, and yet never hurting you in the slightest.

Without looking at him, you tried to tug your arm free. “Let go of me.”

“No. Not when you just…”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“It doesn’t matter?” Kakashi stood up, still in his flimsy underwear from the day before, hair ruffled from sleep and so drop dead gorgeous you could swoon, and towering over you in a way which made not only your knees even weaker, but your stomach lurch upwards. “How doesn’t _that_ matter?”

“Look, I don’t know what I was saying here, I—!”

“There was only _one_ failed wedding you attended. Only. One. Wedding. _My wedding_.”

“There could’ve been—!”

“You would’ve mentioned another wedding to me.” He stepped closer. His chest bumped into your shoulder, only for him to gently tug you around until you faced him properly. “You would’ve complained, whined, swooned or in general _talked_ about another wedding you would’ve been involved in. There was no other wedding.”

“Kakashi, I—!”

Suddenly, there was a finger pressing against your lips, stunning you into silence. “That means,” the finger tapped against your upper lip, making a delirious shudder crawl down your spine, “you’re talking about my wedding. The wedding of the guy which failed and who you are in love with.”

Again, you tried to pull away, your heart beat skyrocketing and your mind reeling from what was happening, however your friend wouldn’t allow you to flee. Gentle but persisting, he held onto you and continued to talk in a soft, infinitely patient voice which sent more wonderful shudders down your back. “The guy you’re pining after. The guy you developed Hanahaki over. The guy who I wanted to beat up so much for not seeing how fantastic, amazing and wonderful you are.”

“That’s not…” You tried to weakly protest, but once more, Kakashi’s insistent finger stopped any words from coming out of your mouth.

“Fuck, I waited for so long. Always too late, always behind. That it takes Hanahaki to kick myself in the ass… Sorry for all the pain I caused you. Sorry. This isn’t how I wanted…” His eyes curled into the little half-moons you loved so much to see; adorable wrinkles crinkling his skin. “The funny thing is, (Y/N), that I do love you. Loved you for so long that I gave up all hope and tried to give up on you. But I couldn’t. I never could.”

For a few moments, you merely blinked up to him. Tried to make sense of the confession you definitely heard, but hell, your brain just couldn’t comprehend it.

Though, your body certainly did.

Media always portrayed the cure of Hanahaki as something beautiful; almost ethereal. The sick one would overcome the flowers and roots in a heartbeat, grow from deadly ill and violently pale to healthy and strong in a matter of seconds, smiling up to their loved one through perfectly curled eyelashes and with perfect smokey eyes before swearing their love over and over.

The truth was a lot less ethereal. The flowers wanted out, and they wanted out yesterday. One moment you heard Kakashi’s words, recognized them as what they were— _he loves me, he truly does —_ the next thing you knew was the feeling of the cool porcelain of the toilet bowl against your cheek as you violently wretched and coughed, hacked and spat more and more flowers down the drain. Your lungs were torn out of your chest, leaves and petals and roots scratching at the inside of your throat. Your entire body shook and trembled with the force of the cursed flowers freeing themselves, while you were faintly aware of a big hand stroking and patting your back. You coughed again when the biggest challenge yet got stuck in your throat; you had to reach inside your mouth and _pull it out_. Inch for inch pure agony, inch for inch you fought every urge to throw up and clog your throat even more. _Finally_ , a soft pink tulip fell into the toilet, the roots long and curling around the plant itself. Suspiciously red streaks ran down the white porcelain, but there was not enough blood in the toilet or in your mouth to be concerned.

The worst was over. Only one, two times, your lungs produced more petals, but afterwards, you could breathe for the first time in _ages,_ breathe freely and without any hindrance. If the scent in your nose hadn’t been the sharp sting of bleach and toilet water, then you might’ve enjoyed it more.

A few more minutes, then you leaned back. With hair hanging in your face and your mouth still tasting of bitter acid and the tiniest hint of blood, you looked Kakashi in the face, who looked more concerned than yesterday when Shizune fled their wedding.

“If you said this just to cure me and I find out you lied to me, you know I will die for sure, yes?”

“Rest assured,” his fingers curled into your hair, tucked ever so slightly a single strand behind your ear, “I know what would happen and no, I didn’t lie. Would never lie if it meant…”

“Then what the actual fuck, Kakashi? What the actual flying _fuck_?” With the back of your hand, you wiped over your mouth, only to continue to let all those questions slip which spooked around in your head. “Why were you together with Shizune? Hell, you were merely a few minutes away from marrying her! Come on, you have to admit it’s kind of suspicious that _suddenly_ , you claim to be in love with me when only a damn _day ago_ , you were ready to tie the knot with someone else!”

With every minute you could freely breathe, your energy returned. More energy to be absolutely furiously, madly enraged at the total fucking idiot Kakashi was. His actions didn’t make any sense! They were absolutely, truly maddening in their very purpose as they were contradicting everything he just said!

Despite your onslaught of accusations, Kakashi didn’t show one bit if he was bothered or not. He just sat there, leaning against the glass door of the shower, his elbow propped onto the top of his knee shored on the ground and his very posture the epitome of laziness, and yet his eyes told a different language as he looked at you. They were unbearably warm, almost scorching you with their single-minded intensity.

“I know,” he started, slow and careful, “I know. My actions don’t match my words at all. But believe me please, I truly love you.” A slight tinge of red flashed over his face, but Kakashi continued, eyes still locked with yours. “I did since a fucking long time. For a few years. But you seemed always happy and I thought I had no chance. That you only saw me—!”

“As a friend.” You sighed without a word. “Yeah, sounds familiar.”

“Exactly.” He slumped against the glass door. Once more, both of you fell silent, contemplating what had happened.

At least, you did. What was supposed to happen now? That was one of the questions running around in your head, among countless others. All aiming into the same direction of the uncertain future.

What was supposed to happen after the confession? In movies, the couple kissed, made up wordlessly no matter what happened between them and had their Happily Ever After. But what would happen after that? What was supposed to happen now; when it felt _wrong_ to even hug Kakashi, who nearly married someone else and now suddenly proclaimed to always have been in love with you?

Curing Hanahaki, you realized, was merely just the beginning. Now, you had to live with the wreck afterwards, the impact of Kakashi’s strange confession, the doubts and phantom pain of knowing he never acted on it despite… Despite everything.

“So…” Again, you sighed heavily. “What happened with Shizune? What did Obito say?”

“You were awake?”

“Yeah. And couldn’t keep away.”

“Understandable.” Kakashi sighed as well. For a moment, he stared into the air, apparently not sure what to say or how to go about it. Then, with a little twitch of his entire body, he sat up straight. “Well, she knew about my feelings… My feelings for you. Probably suspected as well that I would’ve left her if I saw only a chance… You know, I was in love with her, but I always—!”

“Loved me.”

“I love you,” he corrected instantly. “Love you more, even.”

“Stop saying that.” It hurt, him throwing his confession around like it was nothing. Like he didn’t stand at the altar just yesterday, ready to tie the knot with someone else. “You have no idea what you’re doing. You just expect everything to be alright. I can’t just forget about Shizune! You shouldn’t just forget about her! You were together for several years, for fuck’s sake!”

At your outburst, Kakashi clicked his tongue. “I haven’t forgotten about her. At all. She will always be a part of me, of my past. But it’s like comparing a candle light to a wildfire. If you ever would’ve made a little hint to me, I would’ve left Shizune immediately.”

“Fuck, Kakashi… This isn’t a good thing.”

“I know.” Raw pain flashed over his features, before he turned ever so slightly away and a curtain seemed to draw close, only displaying his usual disinterest. “I know, try to believe me here. I know I have to apologize to Shizune and I want to. _I will_. I played with her feelings in trying to fool myself that I could live my life and forget about my emotions. But… But I know I can’t lie to myself any longer, not after what happened, not after knowing how close I was about to lose you.” A shaky breath in and you subconsciously leaned in closer to catch his soft whispers. “I know I want _you_ , (Y/N). I always wanted you. Every part of you I can get.”

You shook your head, reeling and spinning from all his insane exclamations. “This isn’t… Kakashi, you can’t be serious. How do you imagine going about this?”

“Who will care enough to ask?”

“Our friends. Our families! Everyone around us!”

“We can tell the truth.”

“The truth!? The fucking truth? Are you insane?”

“No. Not even a bit. They will understand. My father surely will be ecstatic to hear if we’re getting together.”

You snorted. “Oh, I bet.”

“Are we getting together?” To say that his voice was only a bit hopeful would be an understatement. There was a certain spark in his eyes telling you of what he was thinking and with an unwilling giggle dropping from your mouth, you nudged his outstretched leg with your own toes.

“Stop it. This is serious.”

“Don’t think I’m not taking this seriously. I do, as this is the most serious I’ve ever been.”

“Fine.” Again, because you could, you nudged his chin with your naked toes. Just the tiniest bit, a little pressure, which could be friendly or mean so much more. And your heart fluttered when Kakashi flashed a little smile at you, all soft and tender and everything you ever dreamed of. Dammit, he was just too pretty for his own good. “Fine,” you repeated, “It’s just… I still have a hard time believing you don’t… That you really…? You know?”

“No, I don’t.” However, the little twitch around his mouth betrayed him.

“Come on. Of course, you do.”

“I know what you’re trying to hint at, yes. Though, I would like to hear you say it. Because it’s the truth and nothing more, nothing less.”

It was your turn to click your tongue. “Fucking—! _Fine_. You _claim_ to be in love with me and you were convincing enough to actually cure my Hanahaki, which means one of two things. One, that you’re either a very convincing liar, or two, that you indeed speak the truth. And after the last _years,_ I have a hard time believing in the latter!”

“Wait, are we still arguing about if I’m in love with you or not?”

“Yeah! At least, I do!”

When Kakashi threw his hands into the air, he reeked slight annoyance at your insistence. Just a moment later, before you even had the chance to speak up, the man scooted over the tiles to your side. His hand slid over your cheek, cupped your jaw and gently tilted your face to meet his. There was nothing to do but stare at him as Kakashi’s eyes fluttered close, his face coming closer and closer. Closer than ever before. Closer than you ever expected him to be; so close you could feel his breath fanning over your lips, only to feel his lips merely a second later on your own.

Like a deer in headlights, you stilled. Your heart pounded in your chest, wanting to jump out of your ribcage, while you could actually _feel_ his lips moving against yours ever so slightly. A mere swipe of his tongue, it didn’t take more to make you open your lips the tiniest bit, out of sheer instinct. When his tongue slid against yours, hesitant and careful, you could also _feel_ his groan vibrating against your teeth, more vibration than sound, more feeling than anything else. Words left you, thoughts left you as well. Everything left were the feelings, physically and emotionally. And that was enough.

Finally, your own eyes fell close as Kakashi continued to kiss you senseless. He seemed urgent, yes, but his lips were nothing but patient and tender as he pressed forward. His tongue wasn’t overbearing or invading you with the ruthlessness of a barbarian like some other people you kissed before, no. He was simply and utterly perfect, in every sense of the word. Patient and passionate, careful and caring, soft and searing hot. It was the kiss of a lover. Not a friend, not a liar. A true lover, with true feelings and true intentions.

You felt slightly dizzy when Kakashi pulled away. Perfectly, utterly dizzy, smiling lightly and trying to comprehend what just happened.

His smug smile didn’t really help. Satisfied and so, so _smug_. “Convinced now?”

That broke the spell more effectively than any rude words could. With a low hiss, you tried to shove Kakashi away, shove him off of you, but the man didn’t budge in the slightest. Only when you pushed again with much more force than before did Kakashi back off, the hurt and shock as bright as day on his face. 

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”

“I think that was perfectly clear.”

“A kiss doesn’t prove anything!”

“Even when it was a really great kiss?”

You threw your hands into the air. “What the fuck? Of course it doesn’t matter! This isn’t one of your romantic novels, Kakashi! This here is reality! You did nothing to prove your feelings to me!”

You wanted to scream out in sheer and utter frustration when Kakashi merely cocked his head. His right eyebrow rose, before he cocked his head to the other side in a silent question. “You really…?” Flabbergasted, you shook your head. “You have no idea what I’m talking about?”

“Not really, no.”

“What’s so hard to understand? _A kiss doesn’t mean anything_. You say you loved me for years, and yet I’ve never even taken that possibility into account. You say you shouldn’t have played with Shizune’s feelings which I’m sure, loved you for all what it was worth, and yet only yesterday, you stood in front of the altar and were ready to tie the knot with her! Your words don’t match your actions, Kakashi. How am I supposed to believe in you when all you’ve done up to this point _scream_ a different language to me?”

“Then, allow me the chance to prove it.”

Instantly, you were suspicious at the serious tone in his voice. If Kakashi thought _another_ kiss would make you change your mind, he was truly and utterly insane. Sure, he was right in one regard: it was a great kiss, but a great kiss didn’t say anything about the truth of his feelings, nor did it say anything about the depths of his emotions.

Thankfully, Kakashi didn’t do any of that sort. A soft smile chased away the hue of confusion as he allowed himself to slump against the wall, even more relaxed than before and so confident in himself that merely for the blink of an eye, you _nearly_ believed him already.

“Allow me to prove it. Let’s have dinner together. Some lunches in between. Let’s go visit cinemas, theaters, parks. Please, allow me to hold your hand and nothing more while we do this and more. Let me court you properly. I’ll do right by you. I’m more than ready to prove myself to you, (Y/N). I was an idiot for running away, for being afraid of rejection while I buried the long years of affection I have for you. If it will take just as many years to prove it, then I’ll just keep dating you for that long. I said it and I say it again: I want every part of you that I can get. And even in the end, if you decide that my feelings aren’t good enough, then I will gladly accept being your friend once again.”

For a second, you thought the flowers were back in your lungs. Something blocked your throat, but when you swallowed around the ball of confusing, mixed-up emotions, you realized what Kakashi offered you. A chance to be with him, no strings attached, to see if he was speaking the truth. If you’d accept this chance and give him the opportunity to do so—it was your choice. You didn’t have to dance to his tunes; didn’t have to be swept away by his charisma and manly charms. There was only you, him and the question of his feelings in the room between you.

Slowly, you found yourself nodding. “Fine,” you mumbled, “it’s just… Not right now. Please, talk to Shizune first before we do any of that. I don’t feel comfortable knowing she thought that I would steal you so soon after the wedding.”

Kakashi nodded. “Agreed. Do you think speaking to our friends and families would be alright? To explain the situation to them properly?”

“Let some grass grow over the issue. They would believe we had an affair going on while you were together with Shizune if we explained to them anyway. No reason to stir up even more rumors right now. We can take it slow. If you’re going to do right by me as you said, I can at least expect you to use as much time as you could to convince me. We’re not in a rush, anymore.” 

It was true. Your Hanahaki Disease was taken care of, which meant you didn’t have to fear for your life anymore. All the time in the world to explore _this;_ explore this thing going on with Kakashi to the very end. 

Reality hit you like a wrecking ball. You weren’t dying any longer. The surgery this afternoon was unnecessary. You didn’t have to choose between your life or your emotions anymore, didn’t have to suffer any longer from shortness of breath or the constant retching and coughing, didn’t have to decide if a life without any feelings was better than a life at all. There was a tomorrow again for you. A future, and with Kakashi’s proposition, the future looked brighter than ever before.

With a little grunt, Kakashi— _who loves me, he truly loves me—_ scooted closer and leaned his head against your temple. There you sat on the cold tiles of your bathroom; right beside the toilet where the cursed flowers still swam in the smelly toilet water, cuddling with your childhood friend and longtime crush. 

Kakashi nosed your neck and you melted a little bit at the sweet gesture. “We can talk about the specifics later. For now, I just want to be here, with you. Is that okay for you?”

There was only a shadow of doubt in your mind as you reached over and took his hand into yours. Your fingers laced perfectly into the spaces between his, his palm slotting into yours like two pieces of a puzzle. “Yeah. It’s okay. More than okay.”

**Author's Note:**

> KUDOS TO THE MOST AWESOMEST BETA READER CHISIE (who gave me a needed reality check on this one ;-; I wouldn't have known what to do without you here).


End file.
